Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Merry Christmas! Here's a Cell Phone Bill!

I have to admit, while I despise lying, I kind of like talking to liars at work. Especially the really horrible ones that are clearly trying to fabricate some bizarre implausible scenario, right there on the phone to try and remove themselves from blame. Then there are some people that don't even try. They just say the dumbest shit. As per usual, I bring you real life examples:

* "I cancelled this account in 2003." While the obvious route would be to point out that she has been getting bills for 6 years, so how could she not know her account was still open, I chose to go with another piece of conflicting eveidence: The account was opened in 2005, and thus did not exist in 2003. Fucking dumbass.

* "Well, no one told me about the upgrade fee." "So you were not quoted $200 for the price of that phone?" "Yes I was." "Well that price includes the upgrade fee." "Uh...I wasn't told about the upgrade fee." "Well, again, sir, that $200 price point includes the upgrade fee, so if that is what you were quoted, you were advised of the total price, including the fee." "Uh...I was quoted $182, because there was no upgrade fee." Come on, dude, really? There are already words out there that I heard you say, you can't backtrack. You can't agree to something and then call back to fucking haggle about it. This isn't a car dealership, it is what it is, accept it or don't FUCKING BUY IT!

So this useless piece of garbage asks to speak to me because the rep she was talking to was intelligent and not buying her story, and she wanted to try it out on someone else. She has some overage of minutes (she has a bucket of 600) and text messages (she has a bucket of 1000). This lunatic actually says to me that she "assumed" her incoming calls her free, because no one told her that they were not. The bullshit logic. Immune to the bullshit logic tactic, I quickly said that we would not be crediting those, as none of our rate plans have free incoming minutes nor do we advertise that. Never brought up again. So here's the lie: "Yeah, I upgraded to unlimited messages, so I assumed I had that." Now rather than waste my time getting in to the samantics of assumed vs. knew, I told her that I was concerned (aw) that she requested a feature that she obviously did not have. So I asked when she requested it. "A while ago. I don't know." Sigh. "Can you approximate?" "Yeah, like December." "Well, ma'am, I see that you have had this 1000 messaging package since March, so that would mean if you requested it in December, you must have changed it in March. Let me check that." "Oh, no, yeah, I request unlimited in March, cause that is when I went to 600 minutes, right?" "Yes, ma'am." Now, I am abridging this conversation so as not to bore you anymore than you already are, but you should know that this woman is talking at great length, about her superb payment history and how she never calls in to complain. Oddly enough, there is a note on the account about her hanging up on a rep after being told charges were valid, and she has been suspended at least 3 times for non payment. So after some research, I find a note that clearly shows that she went from a 400 message package to 1000, based on her usage. I mean this note was superb. I looked at the prior 3 months worth of bill that predated that note, and sure enough, the one right beofre it, she went over the 400, but was still under 1000. The one before that, under 400. The one before that, under 400. So, switching to 1000 would be pretty logical. Armed with this knowledge, ready to end the call with a "no credits are due" speech, I get back on the phone, and let her have it. To my surprise (and by "to my surprise" I mean "as I expected") she is infuriated, and then claims that she is receiving poor customer service. As we all know, not crediting $800 of valid charges = shitty service. Now, I read this woman word for word what that rep's note said, and this douche pouch...this, bloated yeast ridden hosebag, committing to her lie, states that the note does not indicate that she agreed to the 1000 package. "Well, actually, ma'am it does." "No! It says that she added it, becasue she did! It does not say 'I spoke with customer and explained 1000 message package and customer agreed' because that is not what happened!" So what she would have me to believe is, despite the customer asking for unlimited, she purposely put 1000 on, and then to be consitent with her chicanery, documented it as such. Come on, lady you can do better than that. And to test that, I will lob this ball on to your side of the net: "What about the 8 months that have gone by where this feature has been on your bills and yet there has been no call to us to discuss the error?" I like to do that because it forces them to tell me the reason why so I don't have to say it for them and thus come across as rude: "Because I have not had any overages until now." EXACTLY. You asked for a feature, we gave it to you, and you have been using it fine for 8 months, and then one random month you go over because you can't fucking check your own usage, and now it is my fault. WRONG. I know it is hard to count to 1000, but we do it for you in various ways. Oh, but that would require work on your part, wouldn't it? And you're not down with that, are you? Despite the effort you are putting in to lying and yelling at me when I am merely doing my job. So, she threatened to quit, and when I called her bluff, she did not quit, and asked for my supervisor. After talking to him for 45 minutes, she still received no credits. Looks like she has a real entertaining story to tell her Christmas present-less family.
Posted by peanutbutterfilthy :: 11:20 PM :: 0 Comments:

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