Monday, November 30, 2009

I Didn't Do It

Now, I'm no judge, but I am pretty sure, "I did not," or, "No, you are wrong," on it's own, would not do much as a defense in court. You see, it is your requirement to prove to the judge or jury, that you in fact, did not. Just saying that doesn't make it untrue. Similarly, this also does not apply when disputing cell phone bill charges. Allow me to submit real life examples.

Customer has international roaming charges in China. Admits to going there during the dates that he was billed. Customer has a Chinese last name. Now I am not profiling, but come on. I am American, is it that hard to believe I might travel to Arkansas? Guess what he did not do? Use his phone. Now before I even get into looking at some of the individual calls, and checking the IMEI of the phone used and compare it against his, there is an even simpler method to validate calls. How did we know you were in China at all, if you did not use your phone? "I did not use it." "Yes, but you see my point right? You didn't make an announcement to the world that you were going to China on Larry King Live, so there's no possible way that-" "I did not use the phone." "But I can see that you dialed the other cell phone on your account, here, so it stands to reason that-" "I did not use the phone." "Well, motherfucker. The third time you said that, the charges disappeared. I apologize to you sir. Here is a free month of service for your troubles."

A woman is disputing charges on her son's line, for a 3rd party service. You I am sure have seen these ads on TV or even Facebook. You buy a ringtone for $3 and you are subscribed to their services for $9.99 a month. You also must agree to the terms, sometimes twice, depending on the company. Her defense, "He did not subscribe. Remove the charge." There are many things wrong with this. First, you cannot dispute someone else's actions. That kid does shit that you coudn't possibly imagine involving 14 inch black dildos, a burro, roughly 2 pounds of crack, and a retarded lady who can operate a video camera. You are not with him 24 hours a day. Subscribing to Personal Love Coach is the least of your worries. Secondly, you are disputing charges from another company with me. That's like me disputing the price of gas with Ford, because I drive an Explorer. Thirdly, if he didn't subscribe, THEN WHY IS IT ON THE BILL, YOU SMELLY, SMELLY WHORE? God, for fuck's sake, stop blaming me for your dumb kid's shit! If you stop breast feeding your kids until they are 9 and patting them on the crotch to get them to stop crying, maybe they wouldn't be introverts and have to seek the counsel of fucking robots preprogrammed to give them some pseudo sense of hope in their otherwise bleak, emotionally scarring existence. Let them have friends instead of $500 cell phones that they use to take pictures of their balls with. Get them a prepaid phone that they can use in an emergency. I mean, fuck, if they were out having a good time they wouldn't have to subscribe to these services. "He didn't do it." Fuck you. Fuck you, lady. He fucking did it. And he is fucking laughing and laughing at you right now, because you have no idea what he is going to do to you in your sleep tonight.
Posted by peanutbutterfilthy :: 8:50 PM :: 2 Comments:

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